Day 1 -- Wednesday, February 17

I awoke this morning with very high hopes. Very high. I know that Kevin Abbott, the executive producer of the show, has a fair amount of respect and admiration for me as an actor, or at least as a "sitcom actor," whatever that might mean. I auditioned to be a series regular at the very beginning of the current season but did not get cast, and I hadn't been in to read for the show at all since then. I had the sense that the role would be a nice, large, funny one, as if Kevin was waiting for a juicy one to bring me in. Best case scenario would be a love interest or old college buddy, a few scenes, an evolving story arc, something I could sink my teeth into and that Kevin knows I can do well and make funny and make it come alive for his show. These were the hopes.

These were the hopes that were dashed the moment the script was dropped outside my door this morning. I eagerly leafed through it, finding only one scene that even had guest stars in it. And when I say guest stars, plural, I mean a whole group -- group therapy, in fact. Of the handful of characters in the scene, it appeared I could possibly play three of them, but at this point I had no idea which one was earmarked for me. They were of differing quality so I still didn't know how far the hammer was going to fall. There was Phillip, who is the head counselor, Kevin, a sarcastic guy, and Louis, who is obviously gay. Now it seemed to me that the role of Phillip was too small and insignificant. And as far as playing Louis goes, I probably live in the Number One town in America for finding men who look more 'obviously gay' than I do. So really, logically, there was only one possibility: Kevin, the sarcastic guy. But logic would not prevail.

At the table read, people were happy to see me and very generous in their praise and delight at my presence. They all welcomed me heartily to the group. Daria, Kevin's assistant, was the first person I saw and I knew her well from The Hanleys. She gave me a big, warm greeting as did Kevin, and there was a bit of simple small talk. It was great to see them both. Then, as we actually began to sit around the table, I remarked to Kevin, "I don't know what role I'm reading. Who am I playing?"

"You don't know what role?" he returned, surprised.

"No."

"Louis!"

"Noooooooo!!!" I screamed in horror. And when I say screamed in horror, of course I mean one of those piercing internal screams. Then out loud I said, "Cool." That was not the answer I was hoping for. Louis. The obviously gay character.

We set about reading the script. Louis has four lines. Louis has no jokes. Louis is, for the most part, the idiot of the scene. But not the idiot in an interesting, clever, oh-isn't-it-funny-he's-the-idiot kind of way, really just more like it's-too-bad-he's-a-big-idiot-I-feel-sorry-for-him-that-he's-such-an-idiot kind of thing.

So that was not the way I wanted the day to go. And yes, it's wonderful to be working on a show and to have a job and even more wonderful that I was offered this role based on my achievements and experience. Yes, all that is fantastic. But that doesn't mean everything is all sunshine and flowers. I mean, I was hoping for so much more. I had this sense that Kevin had been, for lack of a better word, saving me all season for some good, interesting part on his show. Can this possibly be the best possible role that's come up in an entire season of shows? Yet, this is my fate for the week, my obviously gay fate.

I called my agent this evening when I got home. There may be some hope. He didn't realize that the part was so small. He called the casting director just to test the waters. She empathized with us about the size and quality of the role and expressed how delighted they were to have me and that I was doing this favor for Kevin and the show. And when you're being told that, it's hard to then turn around and whine about your part. She did say that Kevin and Daria would take care of me and to expect to talk to them about it tomorrow. I did think that talking to Kevin about the part would be my best shot. I know he can make it more interesting and rewarding. More anything, really, would be good.

I go to bed tonight with very low hopes. Very low. My expectations have been dashed. My mentality right now is just to suck it up, deal with it for the week, be the idiot, be the obviously gay idiot, and do the best I can in the part, and then go from there. Try to refocus on getting a pilot for this damn network. That's all I can really do. Tomorrow may bring something better. For now I need to heed the advice of my wise old agent, Todd Goodwin, who said to me, "Buck up, sailor."

Go on to Day 2

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