Workshop report--

• May 2 & 3, 1992
  

• Super Power Blowout Intensive Weekend -- Round Two
  
• One-on-One Studios
  
• Ken Schwarz

As the National Guard patrolled the increasingly quiet streets of L.A., 14 weary Schwarz-worshippers made their way back to Burbank to re-group, re-focus, and re-attack. The start-time had been moved up an hour so we could finish before curfew, but other than that it was business as usual.

First up were our reactions, or feelings, as we left the seminar 3 weeks ago:

Well, maybe not first. The Saturday morning eye-opener was provided by Sonya who thought that Ken was rude to Paul on the first Saturday because he put his coat on while listening. She contended as well that this fed to her standoffish attitude on Sunday when everyone attacked her for wearing too much make-up. The floor was then opened up for everyone to put in their two cents:

Pamela: "I felt good, but was frustrated by your rudeness to Paul, putting on your jacket."
Wendy: "I believe that you were angry. You're a whole different person."
Julie: "What are you really mad about? We got what you were giving us."
Sonya: "I thought that was rude&ldots;fucking rude." (This comment prompted Ken to stop the apple which was mid-way to his mouth for a fresh bite, and offer a look of slight disbelief, a look which had the potential of ballooning into anything from rage to complete indifference. It did nothing of the sort, though, and vanished soon after.
Gavin: "I came here to get my ass kicked. I want this stuff."
Ken: "Don't record these sessions. Not for other's ears."
Pamela: "Miscommunication, holding stuff in, makes it fester."
Sonya: "I have to confront this, go through this, to get past it."
Ken: "Saturday night ended when I said it was going to."
Ken: "You're using this rudeness to Paul as a defense mechanism. You have to be open, be willing to listen, let it in."
Vince: "Sunday we had all the time in the world."
Vince: "Take suggestions you think are absurd, and commit to them completely, then evaluate. Don't judge without trying."
Lindy: "I have a strong will; sometimes it works against me."
Ken: "If someone finds a hidden truth about us, we fear them."
Ken: "As actors, we can't but up a barrier between us and others."
Otrin: "When you hit a mountain, you have to take off another shell. "I don't want to be a doormat; I want to be the door."
Vince: "Just to see. Try it a little while, 'just to see'."

And so everyone gave the group a little wisdom, or else just sat and waited for the steam to run out of the argument, which it eventually did and we finally got to the first order of business, what we thought.

Wendy: "I don't like it, but I appreciate the importance of business."
Julie: "I was depressed by my lack of control."
Tessa: "I was frustrated by the amount of work necessary."
Rebecca: "I tried to get organized. The universe has no room for gaps."
Sonya: "I set out to do my "to do" list."
Pamela: "I like organizing, but I realized I like organizing other people's business."
Cynthia: "I've started to take steps to the next level."
Lindy: "I was off the track. I have to do it myself."
Gavin: "I have to do one thing at a time and be patient."
Julie: "I felt like I had been in church; my engine's starting up again."
Vince: "I see that this is a difficult journey; I have to get started. It's the ultimate oxymoron; you must be "aggressively patient.'"
Ken: "We're starting the engine here. Don't burn out. You have to be invalidated sometimes to grow. 'Doing' gets the shit out of your head."

OK, forging onward. It was time to fess up. Everyone had to read off their lists from last time, and report on the status of each task.

So, we did my stuff, which I shall record below, and I wrote down a comment or two, whatever struck my fancy, as we went through everybody's "to do" and "didn't do" lists.

Me, first.

Not a bad performance. Other folks got a little more tangible return. Still others did very little. So, as long as I'm happy, right?

These are notes from the other people's lists, and comments and Ken's responses:

• The first 3 weeks are big, but then you need an extra kick.
  

• You need "quiet knowingness" - this is an underlying confidence that creates confidence in the other.
  
• Selling yourself: Features? Benefits?
  
• Tessa's dad was Robert Taylor.
  
• You need anger. Get angry at yourself for weaknesses. Don't dish it to CDs; it's to motivate yourself.
  
• Green / Seigel: "good guys"
  
• Before you compromise, give in, fail, there's a feeling you get, a warning signal. What is it? Tap into this feeling. Recognize it. Deal with it. Get angry! Don't make it okay!
  
• When the ball is round, it rolls.
  
• We all carry around the desire to protect ourselves.
  
• Read the trades just to be in the business.
  
• As an actor, you must put yourself in situations of risk and discomfort. Practice this.
  
• There's nothing working against you but your head.

I was then returned to the hot-seat so that the group could discover my "deep-dark-secret" - the main obstacle to my success that I have been hiding or avoiding, or omitting. Conclusions were reached that I was too cynical for my young age and that my cynicism was a potential hazard if it infused itself into too many facets of my life. The conclusions were shaky at best, and I argued that my sense of humor was cynical, but my basic outlook of life was far from cynical, optimistic even. No compromise was reached, though, and both positions remained standing.

That night I wrote my "looting" essay, and then today I read it to the group. It was very rewarding. I felt very good about recording my feelings and it was nice to have a venue where I could voice them, and they would be received with open hearts.

Sunday was a day for looking ahead. I don't really have many notes for today except for my own goals. If anyone else's goals caught my ear, then I pretty much made them my own.

I have three lists:

1. Tasks that can be accomplished once
   

2. On-going tasks
   
3. Long-term goals

STILL TO DO

• Get breakdowns
  

• Get desk
  
• Update 3 x 5 file
  
• Take C-BEST
  
• Figure out "follow-up call"
  
• Sign up at Central Casting
  
• New agent
  
• Get manager
  
• Get 2nd headshot
  
• Establish a routine

DO ON DAILY / WEEKLY BASIS

• Read trades
  

• Do showcases
  
• Self-submit
  
• Maintain 3 x 5 file
  
• Write
  
• Work Out
  
• Talk about SAG card
  
• Tutor
  
• Read
  
• Watch for warning signs of failure

LONG TERM GOALS

• Financial Independence
  

• Understand the business
  
• Gain some companions
  
• Choose the projects / want to do (Ultimate Power)
  
• Work with the people / admire
  
• Films

And so, 40 hours and 155 dollars later, what have I accomplished? I made some friends -- some talented, friendly people. I wrote. Anything than gets me to write can't be all bad. I accomplished a mass mailing, which was a huge undertaking, the likes of which I might not have attempted with such discipline if I didn't have to face the group 3 weeks later. The mass mailing has gotten me an interview on Tuesday with a manager, at least, and time will tell if anything else comes from it.

But what did I really get out of it? I saw 14 other people struggling to do what they felt they had to do to make their life complete. If it took two jobs, or thirty years, or marital strain, each one of the people in that room had made a commitment to the business of acting. That's reassuring as well as disheartening. On one hand, it's nice to know you're not alone in your struggle, and to get a chance to meet your co-strugglers is a solidifying experience. But it's also difficult to witness other unemployed talented people. It just reinforces the arbitrary nature of the profession. The more powerful of the two forces is, luckily, the first. I walked away from that room tonight with a sense of community, and pride in what I have chosen to do.

Also, a spirit of self-determination is infused over the 4-day seminar. The feeling of "I can do it myself," a feeling seldom expressed in Hollywood, is undeniably present as you walk out that door. And what better way to finally "do it" than to do it yourself.

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