May 27, 1992
Alex, a relatively new member, whom I had never heard speak before, probably came the closest to the mark. "He looked bored," he said of my performance as the recently deflowered, totally infatuated bell-boy. "Disinterested." And I think Crane, himself, added that it seemed I was missing the focus I usually have. Todd Felderstein, a director in the company, and a fan of my work, approached me afterwards and offered his impression: "It's like you've done this character before, and you knew you could do him again, but there was nothing deeper than that. Although it was good, it was too automatic, too simple, too easy." And so I told him the story&ldots;
Lesley chose the scene. When I first read it, I thought it seemed too silly, and the writing was a little stiff at times. Over the next two or three weeks, I found I was the only person who thought that. Sam, our director, read it and almost peed his pants he loved it so much. Tessa Taylor read it with me in line for Johnny Carson and she also thought it was a great, cute little scene. Zeena, our interim director, read it, loved the whole play, and said the writing was brilliant, noting, "He doesn't waste any words." I, however, felt they were all a waste. But weeks ago, I withheld my objections and decided that I could pull it off without too much pain, and that, yes, it was a character well within my range. So I agreed to it. And even with all the bullshit that transpired over the following weeks, probably the biggest problem with the scene for me was that first day of resigning myself to a scene I wasn't really into. It is possible that nothing could have saved me after that.
But as I write, I think about the rehearsals with Zeena, and I was beginning to embrace the scene as something fun and "worthy," I guess, of my enthusiasm and commitment. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
So, we had a read-through with Sam, and we read it a couple of times. Fine. Then, we discussed possible rehearsal times. Sam seemed very flexible, telling us to decide and then let him know. And we all agreed that afternoons would probably be best, because Lesley worked in the mornings until noon, and then we could use the theatre without conflicting with The Little Sister rehearsals or any other scenes who wanted the space.
But that tidy little plan didn't last long. We would set up a 3 o'clock rehearsal, reserve the space, and call Sam, usually leaving a message. His typical response was, "No, I can't make it, I'll be there at 9 o'clock." Of course, this call would take place at noon that day and we would both be unable to go at 9. Frustrating.
We finally did meet one fine Friday morning, about 2 weeks before performing, and ran through it a couple of times. It was a relatively uneventful and moderately unpleasant experience. At one point, Sam stopped and yelled at us because we had started the scene at low energy. (Not too surprising since we had never done it before.) The thing is, he had stopped us to say he liked the energy, and it evolved into him raising his voice to chastise our slow start. Anyway, we worked through it. Sam tried to steer us in certain directions. They were not always natural directions, but we were trying to make them work.
We set rehearsal time for Sunday morning, 10:45 a.m. But, of course, once Sunday rolled around, we called Sam, and he was off at work for the day. No rehearsal. By Wednesday, Sam had pulled his, "I can't come when you want, and you're ruining the scene by not coming when I want" bullshit a couple more times. Lesley and I also got together once on our own. So, Wednesday, the meeting. Lesley tells me Sam called her to say that he got a job and couldn't make any weekday rehearsals, and probably not any weekend ones, he wasn't sure. He told her, "So you're on your own. John will explain it to you." Fearing an Andrea-repeat, I immediately found a replacement director: Zeena. She happily stepped in and we had two very productive rehearsals on Thursday and Friday. The scene started heading in a whole new direction, and it felt a lot better. Lesley, especially, seemed to be finding more truth in her character. It was cool. Until&ldots;
Sam's reaction on Friday when I told him we had a new director, and he didn't have to worry, was, "Fine. I don't care. Fine. CLICK". "Case closed," I thought, until Lesley called me an hour later saying Sam had just screamed at her for nearly every minute of it. Sam wouldn't let his scene go, and forced his way back into it. I wanted to pack my bags and be done with Theatre Rapport that instant, but was convinced by Zeena and Ethan to stick it out, suck it up, bite my lip.
And so I did. And with a mammoth chip on my shoulder got in a couple
more rehearsals and got through it. But it was clear that something
was impeding me. That's another lesson from Theatre Rapport. You need
to embrace the work. Only then will it be true and honest and
something to be proud of.