March 10, 1998
It was the end of a long day. One audition and two callbacks had already transpired. By 6:40pm, as I entered the high-rise on Wilshire where this producers' session would be held, I had already experienced many adventures. But one more before I could rest. (One more, that is, before I could go tutor for three hours.) It was a little something called Ghost Cop.
So, this one is a cross between Ghost and Beverly Hills Cop. It's a female lead who discovers she has psychic powers and can see and talk to the dead after a fake-psychic she was working with gets killed. The ghost of the fake-psychic becomes her "partner" and the two set off to solve crimes together, all the while butting heads with the over-eager, highly-competitive and condescending Detective Mellish.
So let's go back to my 6:40pm arrival. At that point, there are two young gentlemen sitting, waiting patiently. And waiting. And waiting. The three of us sat quietly while very little activity took place around us. Finally after five or ten minutes, the two producers walked by and yelled to one of the guys, "Hey, Bauer! What's going on? Good to see you! Are you coming in here or what?" And at that he leaped up and disappeared to go audition. Now when I say disappeared, I mean gone, gone for about fifteen minutes. I don't know if they read the whole script in there or what, but he took a very long time putting up a couple of audition scenes.
So let's call it 7:05pm. The first gentleman emerges and the second disappears. And when I say disappears... I think you get the point. He also went into the cubicled abyss that was this office complex and must have needed time to build a set and prepare his props before his two-scene audition. Or what else? They must really be taking their time with each performer, going back over the scene again and again, fine-tuning all the nuances of the character so that the actors can fully grasp who they are playing and what has brought each of the characters to this place in time. Ah, a real hands-on audition. Should be cool.
By about 7:25 it's my turn. The assistant, Linda Lamontagne (who is extremely nice and friendly all the time) takes me through the maze of cubicles and gives me the scoop, "Make him very condescending."
"That's how I live my life," I return to get a laugh, but, of course, only half-kidding.
As I enter the audition room, one of the two producers is called into his own office to take a phone call. Then it hits me. That's why this whole process has been taking so long. They get us actors back here and then we have to wait while they take care of other business. Of course, it's so obvious. So obvious that I am about to comment on it, with something like, "Oh, is this why it's taking so long back here?" and then throw in a cute, little "But that's OK" chuckle to go with it. But before any words or chuckles can leave my lips, the people in the room move into audition mode and it becomes clear that there will only be half as many producers in my audition as there were in the last gentleman's audition. Them's the breaks, I guess.
And so we're off. I perform the first little scene. Great. I perform the next little scene. Great. Time for the feedback, the work, the tweaking, the notes, the refinement. "Thanks a lot for coming in," is all I hear as the door hits me in the ass on the way out.