February 3, 1998
I guess the streak had to end somewhere. After a successful audition with the very same material this morning, the producers session just did not click in the same way. It started off great and I was very confident that this was going to go well for me, but as I went through the first of the two scenes, I could feel them drift away. There was just something that made them stop responding to me. I did the second scene, but just couldn't reel them back in. The joke at the end was the big one and it went over with a huge THUD. I just missed it completely, which happens. I need to get into a mode where I have more auditions, so that each missed opportunity doesn't carry so much weight. It's harder to let go of the setbacks when the next opportunity is weeks away. I need it to be days away. Hopefully, that is what is going to happen for me now that I'm with Pakula/King.
I also feel bad because it's like I let Jill Anthony down. I so wanted to be the big surprise find for her (and for me, of course). And I guess I need to stop feeling like that. I don't have to be everybody's great find, and with a new and better agent, people will not consider me such an unknown any more. When a casting director "discovered" me in the ranks of Contemporary Artists, then yes, that was good thorough casting work. But as one of Pakula/King's people, I'm probably expected to be a decent actor. How that tangibly affects the way auditions go down, I don't really know, but everything that's going on in my life seemes to play into that five minutes I'm in the room with these people, so it is likely useful to try to figure out all the ramifications of my current status. Anyway, I didn't get it.