March 25, 2003
9am.
It has been over two weeks since I tested for the Nicole Sullivan Project. In about two hours, I will return to CBS Studios in Los Angeles to make one more effort to get this job. I have prepared a new scene and I will be squaring off against two new opponents.
The past two weeks have been unpleasant, to say the least. I did get out there and audition for a few other pilots, but nothing clicked. In the meantime, there is a lot of positive buzz about my return to audition today. While that might give the average sane person confidence, it generates in me the dread of the inevitable jinx. Last year's pilot season involved another pilot that Nicole Sullivan was in and in the days leading up to the tests, the buzz was also very strong. The writer had re-written the sides to cater to my interpretation of them. If that doesn't sound like a shoe-in, what does? Still, they brought a gentleman to network who simply "was the part," and I went away empty-handed. "The part is yours to lose," was the rallying cry last year. And the results were more often cry than rally.
The usual excitement about the immense potential is missing today. I
imagine as I get in the car and get over to CBS, the feelings will
begin to build, but I have been focusing on the possible
disappointment for so long, it is hard to shake. For my benefit, I
need to turn my head around and start getting excited. Here we go, baby...
10am.
The traffic was light so I have arrived a few minutes early. It's hard to believe that two weeks of agony is finally about to be over. At least some good will come out of this morning, whether I get the job or not. The dread will end.
This is why you just have to put 100% focus on the audition, the performance. It's opening night of the big show, the big 75-second show in the basement of the CBS Building, but it's a big show nonetheless.
There will actually be more people in attendance at this audition than there was over at the old Theater Rapport eleven years ago. I have come a long way from those innocent, ignorant days. The types of problems have changed tremendously, but the frustration level seems to have remained constant. You would think that as you progress in any business, you begin to feel more secure, more stable, more confident, and less affected by the speed bumps along the way. But not so in this town. The better you do, the more you know, and the more you know you are missing when things don't go your way. Or maybe I just don't let myself feel more stable and secure. Certainly my future is brighter than it was eleven years ago, even if it is hard to see the light sometimes.
Anyway, back to 100% focus on the audition. Time to give the people
what they paid for.
6pm
Well, I didn't get the job. Then again, I didn't NOT get the job.
The audition for network went well. No major problems. The scene felt good. The laughs came in very small doses, but they did come where they were supposed to and I had prepared myself for the notoriously cold CBS Network Test room. Word on the street is that Les Moonves, the president of CBS, doesn't like to be "forced to laugh," so he instructs others in the room not to laugh. Yes, instructs people not to laugh at a scene from a sitcom. I'll let you figure out how that could possibly be a good idea. Anyway, in spite of that, the scene went well.
Word has come back since this afternoon that they are not releasing me. I am still their top choice for the role. But only the top choice of what they have seen. This must be what women feel like in the dating world. "You are my top choice, sweetheart, I just need to meet a few more girls before I can be sure." So CBS is out there beating the bushes, making sure they didn't miss anybody. Maybe they can line up a bigger name than me, maybe someone cheaper than me, maybe just plain someone else than me. Maybe there is just something about me and this part that was not meant to be.
So we are letting this one go. If it comes back to us, we'll take it.
If it does not, it was never truly mine to begin with. We are heading
back into the pilot pool. The problem is that the pilot pool has been
pretty much drained at this point. But the agents and managers are
making the calls around town. I hope they can find something out there.
The following 6pm
I got it.