February 28, 2000
God I hate doing this sometimes. I hate feeling like I'm no good at what I do. What is it with me that I can't get any roles in hour-long dramas? I feel like I'm embarrassing myself when I go in for these things because nobody wants me. This makes me 0-for-3 this pilot season on hour-long shows, and they've been the only shows that I have really wanted.
I feel stupid that I actually got my hopes up about this show. Somehow I thought I could fool them into hiring me. I couldn't even make it to the test. The same people that I tricked on Friday came to their senses today. Why did there have to be a work session? That makes me so mad. If I could have just sneaked into the test and turned in 90 more seconds of fake ability to act, I might have gotten this show. Instead they had to haul me in and run the scene a few times, and slowly whatever about me that seems to suck so bad shined right through.
The two women, Elizabeth and Andrea, were both very good. There were two other guys partaking in the work session as well. Each of us read with each of them. I went last, but I don't know if that hurt or helped. I thought it was actually going pretty well. I liked doing the scenes with both of the actresses. I got one note near the end, that I should try to play up the chemistry between the two of us. Of course, that was the whole point of the work session, the search for chemistry. When I finished that scene, the helpful gentleman thanked me for coming in and told me it was nice to meet me. But I'll tell you, no matter how "nice" it was to meet me, it was obvious at that moment that my association with this show was over.
No hour-long show. No move to New York City. No cute little crime stories. I guess expanding my abilities beyond sitcoms just is not going to happen.
March 1, 2000 -- Feedback
So, maybe I was feeling especially down on Monday when I didn't get the show, and maybe I exaggerated my dilemma a bit, and maybe I wasn't all that sucky after all. This is what we heard from the casting director...
They only reason they didn't test you is because they thought looked like a baby. They thought you were very funny and very good but they thought you looked like you were in your 20s, not early 30s.
With a little clearer vision in hindsight, I knew I had done pretty
well that day. I liked the piece and I was well-prepared and I think
that shone through. It was just especially disappointing news to hear
that Monday morning for some reason. But, rest assured, I am not
giving up the fight any time soon.